Fade To Black
by XxYunikuna UtsukushixX
Summary: A oneshot of someone who's struggling, but gives up. Someone who tries to escape reality.


I'm trying something a little new, so... This may be a little intense and dark, so turn away if you prefer something else. Don't like, don't read.

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FADE TO BLACK

I knew with this one step that I might not come back. Knew that my vision would soon fade to black, knew that the light would never touch my face again. It was the choice I had to make. That or go back to that horrible lifestyle I lived. I would've lost it if I stayed any longer. Lost myself in that cold and lonely corner.

No matter how much I hoped, tried. It seemed as if nothing would change, nothing would become better. It all seemed to fall apart, my life fell into peices. Shattered, shambled, and scattered all over the place. It would take everything I had, just to look for those peices and not step on them, to stay upon that path I had set out upon.

Would this all come to an end soon?

Was the question, I would ask myself. I knew there was no way in hell that I would be able to avoid it at all. At any cost necessary, I would try harder, try to make it. But... My patience thinned, leaving me with not-so-many options. Leaving me with no place to go. I knew I had been abandoned, but I didn't want to beleive.

Long ago, I had forced myself to think that these strangers wanted me.

Soon did I know, that I would not be able to handle the mess of my life any longer, nor care about it anymore. I just gathered myself, my feelings, my sanity, and what little dignity left, that I had; and Just walked away. I decided to take that step on the dark and omnious road. It blinded me, sucked away my very soul. No one could see me anymore. I couldn't see myself, nor anyone esle.

Some have tried many times, really the caring ones, to pull me out of that dark and miserable, yet comforting and welcoming hole. I refused to leave. Leave behind what I had become so accustomed too. That pit, that dark and endless abyss of coldness, agony, and pain.

Loneliness.

I can't say for sure how I was from then on there. I knew that my mental health had deteriorated, my sanity destroyed. I could see no logic, no evil nor good. Chaos was the only winning factors that I applied for myself, along with everyone else.

The fits and the nightmares disturbed me.

I could no longer, well apparently sleep. I was forever an insomniac. Nothing could help, nothing did, and it didn't matter at all anymore. Nothing did and nothing does.

I've reminesced about the past, never looked forward to the future. I recalled the little things, even trying to forget what I could. My past mistakes, regrets, and the agonizing hate that I held for others. Because after all, nothing mattered still. I forever stood alone.

Inside of the cold and barren wilderness I called my mind. It seemed to become more and more conflicted with thoughts, feelings, along with all the other individuals, that I had created in my head. Their presences I could feel, just that I knew they truly weren't real. They were only there for benefit.

To drive away the loneliness I felt.

Sadly that feeling could not be sated, pushed away, or repressed. It angered me, knowing that my heart betrayed me like this. Feelings were weak, pointless, and pathetic. What purpose would it serve if I had only gotten hurt? Over and over and over again. So many times I put up with the heartbreak, shed so many tears, relived my worst fears.

Over and over and over again.

I wanted to rip this uselessly beating thing from my chest called a 'heart,' only to find that I could, but only to find that it was useless. I was always saved, every damn time. Why do they keep me alive? Did they love to see me suffer? I could inflict self wounds and get away with it. I could hurt others, push everyone away. It was easy, yet so hard.

I couldn't care, tried not to as I forbid myself from doing so. But that feeling still held on like a hook, deeply embedded in my heart.

No matter how many times I pulled and yanked, it would never, couldn't ever come loose.

These feelings were really becoming troublesome. I didn't want them, nor had I needed them from the beginning. I just needed to be rid of them to finally be free. Just that and I would finally escape this cold reality. This cold world.

The noose that hung loosely around my neck never helped really.

Whenever my worsest of fears came alive, it would tighten against the weak, wavering flesh of my neck. Digging into the soft and vulnerable skin, trying to drain me of my life little by little. The marks and scars it left... It was truly terrible. Whenever I was strong enough to survive against that thing, It would come aloose, going slack, only to come back and wrap itself tighter than before, every time with those fears.

My neck rubbed raw from the harsh, stinging rope, I paid the price. I always would for my conquest.

Sometimes, I would have to cover up those scars. I always wondered, waiting when my last breath would come. When it would come down to the last beat of my heart. I never knew if I'd come back or not, but I knew I could not run away from it. I just wanted to be alone, suffer with the silence.

Leave the mortal world behind and never come back.

No looking behind me. No regrets, no worries, no cares in the world. I didn't want to be a monster anymore, but I was driven too far past insanity to say that I didn't any longer.

I am pitiful, I am weak. I am the fated one that walks alone.

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Well read and review please, I guess. I'd really appreciate it :). I won't respond to crap.


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